A641.9.3.RB - Becoming a Resonant Leader

You will now begin to turn your desires from awareness into action. Next, compose a reflection blog in the form of a letter to yourself. In the letter, briefly state your personal vision and list at least three learning goals, three milestones for each goal, actions steps for each milestone, and list key people who will support you to achieve the learning goals.

Dear Tony,

You have learned a lot over the last 9 weeks.  More importantly, you have learned a lot about yourself.  There are certain things about your real self you wish to move towards becoming your ideal self.  These areas include learning how to get back to the physical health you once worked so hard to maintain, completing your degree, and filling your spiritual void.  Below is a detailed plan on how to accomplish all learning goals through action steps and milestones.

Learning Goal 1: Improve Physical Fitness and Overall Health

Milestone 1: Workout 4 days a week for 3 months

Action Steps:

1. Partner (wife or friend) to ensure accountability and dependability.
2. Go to sleep at a reasonable time every night to get up early and go to gym.  Lack of sleep cannot be an excuse.
3. Get back to reading health and fitness magazines for the right frame of mind and assist in healthy habits.

Milestone 2: Run a 5K

Action Steps:

1. Slowly incorporate cardio into the exercise routine.
2. Gradually incorporate frequency of training each week until running 3 times a week.
3. Gradually increase the distance each week.
4. Sign up for 5K that begins 3 months from training start date to allow myself ample training time to prepare and hold myself accountable.

Milestone 3: Meal plan

Action Steps:

1. Prepare meal plan and menu every Sunday.
2. Go to the grocery store every Sunday and follow through on purchasing menu items.
3. Review weekly family activity schedule to prepare for dinner conflicts accordingly.

Learning Goal 2: Complete Master’s Degree by January 1, 2019

Milestone 1:  Complete BUSW 500

Action Steps:

1. Plan future schedules, such as vacations, around coursework.
2. Enroll for the course.  

Milestone 2:  Complete MSLD 632

Action Steps:

1. Plan future schedules, such as vacations, around coursework.
2. Enroll for the course.

Milestone 3:  Complete MSLD 635

Action Steps:

1. Plan future schedules, such as vacations, around coursework.
2. Enroll for the course.

Milestone 4:  Complete Elective

Action Steps:

1. Plan future schedules, such as vacations, around coursework.
2. Determine which elective to take.
3. Enroll for the course.

Milestone 5:  Complete MSLD 690

Action Steps:

1. Plan future schedules, such as vacations, around coursework.
2. Work with advisor to ensure eligibility
3. Enroll for the course

Learning Goal 3: Improve my spiritual connection.

Milestone 1: Improve mindfulness and self-awareness.

Action Steps:

1. Attend at least 3 different types of masses.
2. Determine which organization is the best fit.
3. Attend 4 weekend masses in a row.  

Milestone 2: Enroll in a Yoga class.

Action Steps:

1. Research local organizations who offer classes.
2. Discuss possible suggestions with friends and family who have prior experience.  

Milestone 3: Daily meditation

Action Steps:

1. Research different types of meditation
2. Discuss meditation with friends and family who have prior experience.  

Seeing your personal vision become a reality will not be an easy journey.  There will inevitably be some obstacles along the way.  You will need people in your life to help support you and achieve your learning goals.  There may even be some setbacks to accomplishing these goals, but you must see them as temporary and continue Look to your wife, family, friends, and coworkers to be your greatest sources of support.  

A641.8.3.RB - Personal Balance Sheet

Create a reflection blog that discusses your personal balance sheet that summarizes your assets and liabilities.

Assets:

My distinctive strengths (things I know I do well and strengths that others see in me).  

One distinctive strength I possess is the fact that I make it a point to enter a state of introspection multiple times every day.  I believe this helps me evaluate my feelings and whether or not they are appropriate and make adjustments accordingly.  My analytical mind also helps identify areas such as people or processes that could improve.  No, I’m not running around telling people what they should change to make themselves better.  However, I have no problem providing feedback if asked.  I also believe I communicate very well as I have been told numerous times.  I pick up on people’s personalities very quickly and get a good sense of what may work or not work.  I also recognize that everyone is different and responds to communication differently.  Therefore, I have honed a keen ability to communicate very effectively.  Another strength is my dependability.  The bottom line is everyone knows they can count on me.  If I say I am going to do something, I do it.  Period.  

My potential Strengths (things I could do better or more often if I focused, or things I do well in some situations and could begin to apply more broadly).  

Confidence in decision making.  Self-doubt.  There are two areas which come to mind when I think of potential strengths and may either be the same thing or at least closely related: self-doubt and my confidence in decision making.  Most people want to do everything right.  Never want to make a mistake.  However, most people hopefully also realize that isn’t realistic.  Personally, despite understanding that reality, I tend to freeze up in some situations because I simply do not want to make the wrong choice.  I have worked very hard throughout the years to improve this area, but I still have a ways to go.  And, I have found that making mistakes is sometimes the best way to learn and cultivate personal growth.

My Enduring Dispositions that support me (traits, habits, behaviors that I do not want to change and that help me to be successful).  

Goleman (2015) suggests social awareness is how people handle relationships and awareness of others’ feelings, needs, and concerns.  I view this dimension as one of my greatest strengths.  I tend to put others’ feelings before my own and exercise a great deal of empathy.  I feel like I excel in my ability to put myself in someone else’s position or situation.  Doing that helps me with my thoughts and actions towards always trying to do the right thing.  I genuinely care to listen to what others have to say and the different perspectives they may have.  I think it is important to keep an open mind because I sure do not know everything.  I am also authentic and I think others see that since I base most of my decisions on how it will affect others, not just affect me.  I believe in being compassionate, kind, and considerate to others and do my best to abide by the Golden Rule.  

Liabilities:

My weaknesses (things I know I don’t do well and I want to do better).  

I mentioned earlier how being analytical is one of my distinctive strengths.  While that is true, I also see this as sometimes being a weakness because I can tend to overthink.  I can tend to try and forecast every scenario based on making a single decision which overwhelms me.  This is a weakness especially when situations are time sensitive and I succumb to paralysis by analysis.  Another weakness I recognize is my resilience or lack thereof.  I used to be extremely resilient, but now I find myself struggling to combat some of life’s challenges.  

Weaknesses I want to Change (things I know I don’t do well and want to change).  

I love to focus on one thing until completion.  However, life just doesn’t work that way.  Whether at work where multiple things are being thrown at me at once or at home where I’m trying to simultaneously do homework, cook, and answer all the questions my kids are asking me, that’s just the nature of the beast and today’s normal.  I used to be much better at multitasking, especially at work, but after taking a new job I find myself scatterbrained.  I want to get everything done at once.  I’m working on prioritizing and only focus on those priorities (in proper order) unless something or someone of a higher priority comes along.  Another weakness I want to change is my lack of positivity.  Sometimes I get so wrapped up in challenges that it feels like gloom and doom and nothing good will come of it.  I have to constantly remind myself that some things I stress over are really just trivial and they shouldn’t affect my mood or outlook in a negative way.

My enduring dispositions that sometimes get in my way (traits, habits, behaviors that I do not want to change and that sometimes cause me to be less effective).  

Nobody knows you better than, well, yourself.  And I know one thing about myself that while I am proud of, I also know it can be detrimental.  It’s me being non-confrontational and wanting to please everyone, sometimes having to sacrifice my own well-being.  For example, there are times when I should speak up and challenge people but I bite my lip so not to cause friction.  I want to make everyone happy, despite knowing that is not always possible.  That’s not to say I never voice my concerns knowing it may cause problems, but it’s typically the exception, not the norm.  

Reference:

Goleman, D. (2015, April 21). How Emotionally Intelligent Are You? Retrieved from http://www.danielgoleman.info/daniel-goleman-how-emotionally-intelligent-are-you/

A641.7.3.RB - Appreciating Your "Real Self"

Read Chapter 5 of the workbook “Becoming a Resonant Leader”.

Complete all of the exercises from page 109-137.

After completing the exercises, compose a reflection blog on what you learned about your lifeline, social identities, strengths, and roles.

Wow! I felt pretty old after completing the lifeline exercise.  I had so many personal and professional memories come rushing through my mind rather quickly.  It took some time, but I eventually wrote down all the important events, transition phases, highs, lows, proud moments, and regrettable moments I could recollect.  I have to admit, it was a bit strange to see and reflect upon my entire life that was now laid out in written format.  I had mixed feelings because, on one hand, I felt I have experienced and accomplished quite a bit and on the other hand could have done better or more.  But, I guess that is life right?  Nobody is handed a map that leads to perfection in life.  No, instead we have to navigate it the best we can and inevitably make and hopefully learn from our mistakes.  Looking to the future, it is both exciting and a little scary knowing that trends I just recorded on paper and reflected upon will more than likely continue.  However, as I get older I realize that no matter how much we try to prepare for what life throws at us, we can never be fully prepared.  

The “Rhythms of My Career” exercise revealed a pattern of change throughout my entire career until my previous position.  Prior to the military, like any typical teen, I worked temporary jobs.  Once I enlisted in the military, I had the luxury (at least I see it that way) of a career field that did not allow one to remain in a position for over 2 years.  Therefore, I found myself being forced to learn a new area and expand my knowledge and expertise.  This approach had its benefits and negatives.  On one hand, it kept things fresh.  On the other hand, being forced to move from a job that you felt was perfect and loved stung a bit.  I also believe it trained me to feel the urge to move on to something else after working in a job for a certain length of time.  I experienced that urge after separating from the military and found myself wanting to do something different after a couple years simply for the sake of change.  I also noticed another pattern in my career.  Strictly from a financial standpoint, it maintained an upward trend right up to the job I took at General Electric after I separated the military.  I view that as my financial peak, not to be confused with happiness, satisfaction, or reward.  I left General Electric for a job at the VA and took a monstrous pay cut, which has continually (but very slowly) increased since the move.  I maintained the same position for over 7 years and although I loved the job, I felt the need to move on to keep things fresh and for promotion opportunity.  I recently made a lateral (same pay) move to a new position in hopes it would satisfy my urge to change and to also give me that promotion opportunity.  I feel I made a mistake in taking the new job and leaving something I enjoyed.  Essentially, I made a career move for the wrong reasons.  I learned that either I get bored easily or that is normal for everyone.  However, I also learned that if I find a job I truly love and boredom creeps in, there may be other ways to combat the boredom rather than leaving the job.  

The “Social Identities and Roles” was a bit eye opening because I never really put thought into those areas.  I just live and be myself.  

Which roles and social identities are most important to you? Why?

Being a father is first and foremost the highest priority most important role to me.  Being a husband is a not so far second.  I place importance on other roles such as son, brother, job, etc...but I truly focus on being a father and husband.  I don’t place much importance on some of my social identities because some are not a choice.  And the one in which I have a choice, I only see my leisure activities as being important to me because I can dictate the level of importance in that area.

How were you taught about your identities?

I wouldn’t say I was ever taught.  It wasn’t like someone ever sat me down and explained different social identities.  I would say I learned from society and just recognizing all the differences.  And that isn’t saying that the differences were wrong, just different.  

Jobs or organizations that heightened your experience of different social identities and roles?

I think being in the military forced me to heighten my awareness of different social identities and roles.  Although I believed we were all created equal prior to the military, it made me realize that we really are all the same on a human level despite the many different identities and roles.   

The exercises dealing with recognizing the strengths I see in myself and what I believe others see was challenging.  In the first exercise, I summarized myself as a person who is an analytical problem solver and is compassionate towards others.  I felt myself wanting to provide a thorough summary while struggling with the limitation. Some of the strengths I believe I possess are compassion, the ability to learn, and communication.  And some of the strengths I believe others see in me are:

at home: love, caring, helpful

at work: intelligent, helpful, hard working

as a leader: honesty, compassion, authenticity

in relationships: dedication, loyalty, giving

The exercise in which I had to list activities and situations I tend to avoid simply validated something I already knew.  I hate confrontation.  I think I do better with confrontation at home because after being so close with someone for so long it becomes easier and easier to speak my mind without a filter.  Even though I shy away from confrontation on a professional level, I recognize it is an issue and I have improved in this area over the years.

Reference:

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader: Develop your emotional intelligence, renew your relationships, sustain your effectiveness. Boston: Harvard Business press.

A641.5.3.RB - ICT at the Team Level

Using the concepts within ICT focused on the team level, reflect on why the Olympic US Women’s Soccer team won so often and the US Dream Team basketball men’s team did so poorly in 2000 and 2004?

According to U. S. Soccer’s website (2016), “ the U.S. Women’s National Team is by far the most successful country in Olympic women’s soccer history, having won four gold medals and one silver medal in the five competitions that have held so far. The USA is 23-2-3 all-time in the Olympics, having lost only in the gold medal game in 2000 and the opening match of the 2008 tournament, both to Norway” (para 1). Shifting to the Men’s 2004 U.S. Olympic basketball team or “Dream Team” whose last loss was in the Summer Olympics in 2004 at the Athens’ Games. “The loss came against Argentina in the semifinals of the medal round. The U.S., led by Allen Iverson and Tim Duncan, fell to Argentina, 89-81. The U.S. went on to win the bronze medal” (Holleran, 2016).  Both teams were known to be the most talented and dominant of their respective sports in the world.  So why did they both fall short of their goal of bringing home the gold medal?  I won’t even begin to claim I can definitively explain exactly why each team lost.  In sports, why teams win and lose can be analyzed down to the smallest detail, but such explanations cannot necessarily be proven.  However, I believe some elements within ICT may lend an explanation.  Boyatzis (2006) states “Intentional change theory (ICT) is a complex system. At the individual level, ICT describes the essential components and process of desirable, sustainable change in one’s behavior, thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. The ‘change’ may be in a person’s actions, habits or competencies. It may be in their dreams or aspirations. It may be in the way they feel in certain situations or around certain people. It may be a change in how they look at events at work or in life” (p.609).

A team in any sport at any level all want to win.  Both the men’s basketball and women’s soccer teams shared the same vision, goal, and ideal: to win.  Although sharing the same ideals is a key component to intentional change of a group, it does not necessarily equate to accomplishing a group’s shared goal. Akrivou, Boyatzis, and McLeod (2006) discuss Tuckman’s linear-progressive model in which the four stages of group development are proposed: forming, storming, norming, and performing. They postulate that “In the forming stage, testing becomes the key concern of groups. In the storming stage, resistance to both group influence and task requirement is shown. In the norming stage, resistance and conflict are overcome.  In the performing stage, interpersonal structure becomes the tool through which group energy is channeled into the task with results enhancing group performance” (Akrivou et al., 2006, p. 693).  I think it is safe to surmise that each of these teams was in different stages of group development.  The women’s soccer team spent a considerable amount of time together prior to the Olympics which probably put them further along in development.  Whereas, the men’s basketball team formed only months before the Olympic games began.  Akrivou et al., (2006) also discuss group development in relation to intentional change and how it emerges through a series of five discoveries.  Boyatzis (2006) states that “desired, sustainable change within a family, team or small group occurs through the cyclical iteration of the group through what can be called the “group level definition” of the five discoveries” (p. 618).  The five discoveries are as follows: Discovery #1: emergence of shared ideal, vision, or dream.  Discovery #2: exploration of norms, paradoxes, challenges, and gaps.  Discovery #3: the group’s learning agenda.  Discovery #4: group experimentation and practice.  Discovery #4: resonant relationships.  I think the explanation as to why the men’s team fell short of their goal is a little easier to recognize than the women’s soccer team.  They simply were not together long enough to successfully develop as a group and had yet to build strong relationships with each other.  They were probably still in the forming or storming stages of development and had yet to enter into Discovery #2 in which they explored norms, paradoxes, challenges, and gaps.  The women’s loss is more difficult to explain.  They played together for quite some time and seemed to be well into the latter stages of group development and discovery.  Many even blamed the loss on a poor call from a referee that resulted in the opposing team’s winning goal.  Sometimes in sports, there may be what appears as an explanation to losing or valid reasons for not performing and sometimes there is simply no explanation.  

References:

Akrivou, K., Boyatzis, R. E., & McLeod, P. L. (2006). The evolving group: Towards a prescriptive theory of intentional group development. The Journal of Management Development, 25(7), 689-706.

Boyatzis, R. E. (2006). An overview of intentional change from a complexity perspective. Journal of Management Development,25(7), 607-623. doi:10.1108/02621710610678445

Holleran, A. (2016). When the united states last lost in mens’ basketball.  Retrieved from http://thespun.com/news/united-states-basketball-loss-olympics

WNT. (2016, August 05). A History of the U.S. WNT at the Olympic Games. Retrieved from http://www.ussoccer.com/stories/2016/08/05/19/54/160805-wnt-a-history-of-the-usa-at-the-olympic-games

A641.4.3.RB - Tipping Points of Emotional Intelligence

In your reflection blog, share instances where you have experienced a tipping point at work.

• What was the situation?
• What did you do?
• What was the result?
• What would you do differently?

A few years ago I managed a program for two medical centers in.  Although both medical centers were located in Pennsylvania, they operated independently of each other.  My team consisted of 7 members at the time and each person was responsible for program oversight of at least one medical center.  One of our team members had just notified us that she was taking a new position.  Even though our supervisor did not come straight out and say it, we knew this meant someone would have to take on more responsibility.  So, everyone waited patiently to see what would happen.  Later that week I received a call from my supervisor and he wanted to discuss how he was going to handle the workload.  

I knew what was coming, but no matter how much I thought I was mentally prepared, I wasn’t ready.  I was already doing the most work as compared to my coworkers and was considered the subject matter expert of our program.  I initially felt a bit slighted that my boss would even think about giving his most knowledgeable employee more responsibility.  Boyatzis (2013) discusses how people remember how someone invokes part of our “aspiration or ideal self or personal vision, or somebody who believed in you and trusted you and has confidence in you.  Someone gives you an opportunity or asks us to do something that we feel is over our head but they believe in us.  They are endorsing our strengths.  This combination of invoking our vision and our strengths is activating or arousing the Positive Emotional Attractor or PEA.”  This is exactly what my supervisor did in our conversation.  He told me that he needed me and he knew I was the person who could not only be successful in taking on the additional responsibility, but he thought I could actually make the program better.  He put his faith in me and activated my PEA.  

That moment, the moment when I knew he was asking for my help was my tipping point.  It was at that point when I decided to view the situation as an opportunity instead of a burden.  Boyatzis (2013) states “the process of change is not a continuous one, it happens with these tipping points, around these moments of emergence; what moves us ahead in the intentional change process are tipping points that move us into the PEA.”  I accepted my supervisor’s challenge and made a conscious decision towards intentional change.  A positive change.  I was only supposed to handle the additional duty for a few months, but it turned out to be almost a year.  And, my supervisor was accurate in how he thought I would improve the program.  I made some great changes and left the program much better than when it was given to me.  I could have been angry and bitter about the entire experience.  However, I decided that doesn’t solve anything and I used it as a positive lesson.  The only thing I would have changed was my initial fear and unfairness of being assigned the additional responsibility.  

Reference:

So Relatable. (2013, September 11).  Module 2 the positive (pea) and negative (nea) videos. [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=197x4dmuug8

A641.3.3.RB - Working with EI: Getting Results!

Watch the two videos on emotional intelligence by Daniel Goleman.  Goleman describes the four dimensions of EI: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skill.  Develop a reflection blog that focuses on the four EI dimensions.  Discuss how each of these applies to you, your strengths, areas that you need to develop, and how the dimensions have helped or hindered you in your performance and/or career.

Self-awareness

Goleman (2015) describes self-awareness as “knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions”.  This is knowing what we are feeling and the reason we are experiencing such feelings.  This exercise is kind of deep since I am trying to be self-aware about my self-awareness.  But I’ll give it a shot.  I like to think that I am a self-aware individual and pay close attention to my feelings and why I am feeling a certain way.  I view this area of myself as having some strengths and weaknesses.  One such strength is the fact that I make it a point to enter a state of introspection multiple times every day.  I believe this helps me evaluate my feelings and whether or not my feelings are appropriate.  However, this can also be a weakness because I can tend to over-analyze why I am feeling the way I am feeling.  This sometimes causes me to waste time thinking about things.  I think my self-awareness has helped me throughout my career because it’s given me confidence in my emotional capabilities and I believe that gets recognized by others.

Self-management

Goleman (2012) describes self-management as handling your distressing emotions in an effective way so they don’t cripple and yet attuning to them so you learn.  I interpret self-management as the moment after we identify our feelings and unconsciously, and at times consciously, ask ourselves, “now what are we going to do?” Are we acting because of our feelings? Are we reacting because of our feelings?  Or, are we in tune with ourselves enough to know when not to do anything?  Because sometimes I realize that taking no action can be the best approach in some situations.  Again, for the most part, I believe I manage my feelings and emotions very well.  That’s not to say I manage them perfectly.  There are times I let my emotions get the best of me.  For example, I sometimes become frustrated with customers when trying to communicate with emails.  I think email can be effective, but there are times it does more harm than good.  There is no tone or inflection in an email and a message can be easily misinterpreted.  It is easy to offend or be offended through email, even though it was not intended.  I know I have been guilty of this.  Or when I try to ask a question in an email and the customer doesn’t provide an answer.  They reply but fail to address the question.  We go back and forth and it becomes a frustrating waste of time.  I know, pick up the phone right?  I would, but our correspondence has to be documented for our files.  Something so simple that should take a minute can end up taking days.  Positivity is another area I want to develop.  Sometimes there are so many challenges that become overwhelming and I feel like there is no break in sight.  I’m constantly trying to maintain a positive attitude, but unfortunately, I feel like I am fooling myself sometimes.  

Social Awareness

Goleman (2015) suggests social awareness is how people handle relationships and awareness of others’ feelings, needs, and concerns.  I view this dimension as one of my greatest strengths.  I tend to put others’ feelings before my own and exercise a great deal of empathy.  I feel like I excel in my ability to put myself in someone else’s position or situation.  Doing that helps me with my thoughts and actions towards always trying to do the right thing.  I genuinely want to listen to what others have to say and the different perspectives they may have.  I think it is important to keep an open mind because I sure do not know everything.  I enjoyed Goleman’s  TED Talk, “Why aren’t we more compassionate?”, but I particularly liked the part he discussed focusing on others.  He talked about how important it is for us to truly pay attention to others and suggests that when we focus on ourselves during an activity, we are in a sense turning off our empathy (2007).  We are sending a message to others that we are too busy to listen to what they have to say, we don’t care, and what they are saying is not important.  As I type this, it just hit me that I am guilty of this myself.  A coworker and friend of mine will visit my office on occasion.  He will stand in my doorway and chat.  I try to give him my undivided attention, but sometimes I am multitasking with important work.  Or, what I perceive as important.  I tend to bounce back and forth between typing on my computer and carrying on the conversation with him.  I am obviously not giving him my full attention and being empathetic to what he wants to tell me.  I will fix this immediately.     

Social Skill

Where social awareness is recognizing others’ feelings, needs, or concerns; social skill is having the ability to induce desirable responses in others.  I have some considerable strengths in this dimension.  Yet, I also think this may be a dimension in which yields my greatest weakness.  I thrive in social situations and have an exceptional ability to adapt.  I have no problem having a conversation with anyone.  Well, almost anyone.  Goleman (2015) recognizes teamwork and collaboration as a competency within this dimension.  I am most comfortable in a collaborative environment and I think it brings out the best in me and I can bring out the best in others.  Goleman also recognizes conflict management as a competency in this dimension.  This is the area in which I demonstrate what I believe is my biggest weakness.  I have successfully handled conflict in the past.  However, those conflicts tended to involve rational individuals.  It is when I am faced with irrational or rude people; or even what some may label as “strong personalities”, is when I tend to flounder.  I am non-confrontational.  I literally despise confrontation.  I always have.  I have also recognized this for quite some time and have tried to develop how to deal with confrontation.  I have definitely improved, but I am a long way off from where I want to be.   

References:

Big Think. (2012, April 23). Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved April 08, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU

Goleman, D. (2015, April 21). How Emotionally Intelligent Are You? Retrieved April 08, 2017, from http://www.danielgoleman.info/daniel-goleman-how-emotionally-intelligent-are-you/

Why Aren't we More Compassionate? [Video file]. (2007, March). Retrieved April 21, 2016, from http://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_goleman_on_compassion

A641.2.3.RB - Am I a Resonant Leader

Based on the workbook exercise, post to your blog describing what surprises you discovered about yourself when completing the exercise. Cite examples where you feel you fell short.

Am I inspirational?  How do I inspire people?

I’ve never viewed myself as inspirational.  However, this chapter has taught me many people are too humble about their leadership and “we see ourselves as normal people, not as leaders whom others look to for direction and inspiration” (McKee, Boyatzis & Johnston, 2005, p. 15).  Reflecting on some of my interactions with friends, family, and coworkers, I know see there were times when I may have been inspirational and provided direction.  I have always had a knack for people coming to me and talking to me about very personal things.  Sometimes, these are people I don’t necessarily know very well.  I surmise it is just something about my personality that invites people to trust me with our conversations.  There are also cases in which people have took positive actions as a result of our interaction.  For example, a previous boss (who became one of my best friends) of mine was known to have a wild and carefree attitude both personally and professionally.  At the time, I was taking two college courses while parenting two small children on top of the job I commuted to and from an hour each way.  I believe he saw how much I was doing and it inspired him.  He started his first college course at the age of 37 and continued his education for years.  

Do I create an overall positive emotional tone that is characterized by hope?  How?

This is an area I often struggle with and continually work on improving.  I am aware that as a resonant leader, I need to pay particular attention to my own emotional state and how I affect people (McKee et al., 2005).  However, there are times I let the pressure and stress of my work environment get the best of me.  The result is me wondering out loud why something isn’t working, or why this person is acting this way, or whatever else the case may be.  I know this “thinking out loud” can oftentimes be interpreted as complaining, which only creates a dissonant environment.  This is not typically my norm, but I know it happens occasionally.  For the most part, I really try to maintain a sense of positivity and hope since I know emotions, attitudes, and behavior are contagious.  

Am I in touch with others?  Do I really know what is in others’ hearts and on their minds?  How do I show this?

I believe I am very in touch with others and know what is in their hearts and minds.  I see this area as one of my greatest strengths.  I have always had an exceptional ability to listen to what people are saying, interpret their message accurately, and provide solid feedback and/or guidance.  I recognize this a strength after paying close attention to conversations in which I need feedback or guidance.  Many people tend to just want to talk without really listening first.  I lost count at the number of times people dominate a conversation.  I interpret these conversations as having one-way communication and losing sight of why the conversation is occurring in the first place.  I use these conversations as a way to improve the way I listen to people when talking. I genuinely care what they have to say and pay close attention to all the elements.

Do I regularly experience and demonstrate compassion?  How?

I am an extremely compassionate person.   I demonstrate this dimension throughout my daily interactions with those around me.  I once viewed compassion as a detriment to leadership, but now am learning the value it provides.  I had some experiences where being compassionate for others caused me problems.  These experiences involved people taking advantage of me because they knew I would allow certain privileges based on their unfortunate circumstances.  However, their circumstance was simply lies made up to take advantage of me and the situation.  I know I shouldn’t allow some bad apples ruin it for those who are genuine.  So, I continue to be compassionate to others, knowing there may, unfortunately, be some people who will lie just to get away with things.  Regardless, I still give trust until it is broken and do not make people earn it.

Am I authentic and in tune with myself, others, and the environment?  How can people see this in me?

I think of myself as an authentic person who is very self-aware.  I realize that “good leaders must know their strengths, limitations, values, and principles” and  “self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence” (McKee et al., 2005, p. 26).  I maintain a ‘say what I do and do what I say’ attitude and people know this.  Following through on what I say is essential to trusting and authentic relationship.  I often find myself in a state of introspection and evaluation to make necessary adjustments and improvements.  These changes occur for the greater good of myself and others.  It really is a simple formula, or at least I think it is.  If and when I tell someone I am going to do something, I do it.  And be aware of how my attitudes and behavior affect others.  If these affect others negatively, then change those attitudes and behavior.  

Demonstrating authenticity, positivity, mindfulness, hope, and compassion will help me be a resonant leader.  This approach can also be used to interrupt the Sacrifice Syndrome, and “enter into renewal and sustain resonance personally and with people around us” (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005, p. 71).  This aligns with the idea that our actions and attitudes are contagious.  Therefore, being mindful, hopeful, and compassionate will prompt others to do the same.

      

References:

Boyatzis, R. E., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant leadership. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader: Develop your emotional intelligence, renew your relationships, sustain your effectiveness. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Pub.

A641.1.3.RB - What is Great Leadership?

View "What is Great Leadership" by Dr. Richard Boyatzis. Dr. Boyatzis explains the impact most effective leaders can have on you. Stop the video when he asks you to complete his exercise. Complete the exercise and then watch the rest of the video. Finally, write up your results as a reflection blog

So what is great leadership?  I pondered that question before beginning this exercise.  I thought about all the great leaders I have personally interacted with and those who I have read about.  I concluded that all of these leaders were different in some way.  That is inevitable considering no two people are the same.  However, the biggest commonality I recognized was the positivity these great leaders exuded.  This exercise asked me to think of a leader who brought out the best in me and a leader who did not bring out the best in me.  Additionally, I was asked to think about the things they said or did and how they made me or others around me feel.  

The person who immediately came to mind when thinking about bringing out the best in me or following anywhere was Jaimy.  My first interaction with her was during a job interview.  I remember feeling a bit intimidated because her intelligence and common sense were both evident.  She is one of those rare people who is incredibly intelligent, yet knows how to apply common sense and can comfortably adapt to any situation.  I did well in my interview, was hired, and she became my boss.  I had heard from outside the department about how Jaimy was very rigid, difficult to work with, and in a sense just plain mean.  I found quite the opposite to be true.  I also discovered people from outside her department perceived her this way because she was just very straightforward.  She didn’t sugarcoat anything and told it like it was.  Most people weren’t used to this style and interpreted it as a negative.  Which is confusing since she acts in such a positive way.  I think people are just used to the charades people play in a work environment by trying to make everyone happy and not hurt any feelings.  Jaimy is transparent and authentic and there is never an ulterior motive with what she says or does.  She truly built such a strong team through her positive attitude and actions.  For example, she routinely organized “get togethers” at her house and team lunches.  I learned these experiences built a strong team bond and we eventually connected with each other as a family, not just a team at work. She also would take care of her employees by providing protection when any threats occurred.  She would rather handle any issues internally than allow things to be broadcasted outside our department.  

Jaimy was also very enthusiastic, motivated, and passionate about everything, which naturally pushed others to act the same way.  This helped us individually and as a team because “when our leaders exude enthusiasm, realistic optimism, and genuine concern we have more energy for our work and can face challenges more creatively” (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005, p. 24).  She is a true resonant leader since she knows “that emotions are contagious, and that their own emotions are powerful drivers of people’s moods, and ultimately, performance” (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005, p. 4).  She was extremely supportive of me and made me feel valued.  Finally, her modesty and humility are like none I have ever witnessed.  I recently found out she graduated from West Point and has three Master’s degrees.  Most people would constantly publicize such accomplishments.  But not Jaimy.  

On the other end of the spectrum of who brought out the best in me and wanting to follow is Ed.  He taught me the valuable lesson of how a great or even average leader should not act.  Ed was one of my supervisors around the midpoint of my Air Force career.  I mentioned before how all great leaders possess positive characteristics.  Ed was negative about everything and that energy spilled over to everyone around him.  I hated going to work every day.  Not because of the work, but because I knew I had to interact with him and his behavior made me nauseous.  As an NCO and supervisor, he was supposed to set the example for his subordinates.  Yet, he spent more time and energy engaging in negative behavior like gossiping, lying, and degradation.  His subordinates consisted of a team of five, in which I was part of.  We were a very tight-knit and cohesive group.  We were also close friends outside of work and spent a lot of time together.  It was like Ed cared more about trying to be part of our group than being a leader, mentor, or coach.  He could care less about growing us or looking out for our best interests.  He was a very self-centered person and only looked out for himself.  For whatever reason, he did not like me.  He was always very short with me whenever there were discussions, both socially and professionally.  At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid.  However, my friends validated my suspicions when they all asked me why Ed did not like me so much.  So, they also noticed how he treated me.  It was a very difficult and awkward time for me because I never experienced anything like that before.  One of my strengths was my ability to always get along with everyone and work great together.  To this day, his dislike towards me baffles me and will go as one of those unanswered questions as to why.  Maybe his stress caused him to be dissonant and use me as his whipping post.  Either way, considering the contagious nature of emotions, his dissonance had a significant impact on me.  I experienced feelings of isolation, distrust, and not valued.  Boyatzis & McKee (2005) state “when the leader is inauthentic or overtly expressing destructive emotions, dissonance in the team and even in the organization is almost inevitable” (p. 27).  We were a very good team, however, we could have been great if our leader valued us and exhibited resonance.   

Reference:

Boyatzis, R. E., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant leadership. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.