Read Chapter 5 of the workbook “Becoming a Resonant Leader”.
Complete all of the exercises from page 109-137.
After completing the exercises, compose a reflection blog on what you learned about your lifeline, social identities, strengths, and roles.
Wow! I felt pretty old after completing the lifeline exercise. I had so many personal and professional memories come rushing through my mind rather quickly. It took some time, but I eventually wrote down all the important events, transition phases, highs, lows, proud moments, and regrettable moments I could recollect. I have to admit, it was a bit strange to see and reflect upon my entire life that was now laid out in written format. I had mixed feelings because, on one hand, I felt I have experienced and accomplished quite a bit and on the other hand could have done better or more. But, I guess that is life right? Nobody is handed a map that leads to perfection in life. No, instead we have to navigate it the best we can and inevitably make and hopefully learn from our mistakes. Looking to the future, it is both exciting and a little scary knowing that trends I just recorded on paper and reflected upon will more than likely continue. However, as I get older I realize that no matter how much we try to prepare for what life throws at us, we can never be fully prepared.
The “Rhythms of My Career” exercise revealed a pattern of change throughout my entire career until my previous position. Prior to the military, like any typical teen, I worked temporary jobs. Once I enlisted in the military, I had the luxury (at least I see it that way) of a career field that did not allow one to remain in a position for over 2 years. Therefore, I found myself being forced to learn a new area and expand my knowledge and expertise. This approach had its benefits and negatives. On one hand, it kept things fresh. On the other hand, being forced to move from a job that you felt was perfect and loved stung a bit. I also believe it trained me to feel the urge to move on to something else after working in a job for a certain length of time. I experienced that urge after separating from the military and found myself wanting to do something different after a couple years simply for the sake of change. I also noticed another pattern in my career. Strictly from a financial standpoint, it maintained an upward trend right up to the job I took at General Electric after I separated the military. I view that as my financial peak, not to be confused with happiness, satisfaction, or reward. I left General Electric for a job at the VA and took a monstrous pay cut, which has continually (but very slowly) increased since the move. I maintained the same position for over 7 years and although I loved the job, I felt the need to move on to keep things fresh and for promotion opportunity. I recently made a lateral (same pay) move to a new position in hopes it would satisfy my urge to change and to also give me that promotion opportunity. I feel I made a mistake in taking the new job and leaving something I enjoyed. Essentially, I made a career move for the wrong reasons. I learned that either I get bored easily or that is normal for everyone. However, I also learned that if I find a job I truly love and boredom creeps in, there may be other ways to combat the boredom rather than leaving the job.
The “Social Identities and Roles” was a bit eye opening because I never really put thought into those areas. I just live and be myself.
Which roles and social identities are most important to you? Why?
Being a father is first and foremost the highest priority most important role to me. Being a husband is a not so far second. I place importance on other roles such as son, brother, job, etc...but I truly focus on being a father and husband. I don’t place much importance on some of my social identities because some are not a choice. And the one in which I have a choice, I only see my leisure activities as being important to me because I can dictate the level of importance in that area.
How were you taught about your identities?
I wouldn’t say I was ever taught. It wasn’t like someone ever sat me down and explained different social identities. I would say I learned from society and just recognizing all the differences. And that isn’t saying that the differences were wrong, just different.
Jobs or organizations that heightened your experience of different social identities and roles?
I think being in the military forced me to heighten my awareness of different social identities and roles. Although I believed we were all created equal prior to the military, it made me realize that we really are all the same on a human level despite the many different identities and roles.
The exercises dealing with recognizing the strengths I see in myself and what I believe others see was challenging. In the first exercise, I summarized myself as a person who is an analytical problem solver and is compassionate towards others. I felt myself wanting to provide a thorough summary while struggling with the limitation. Some of the strengths I believe I possess are compassion, the ability to learn, and communication. And some of the strengths I believe others see in me are:
at home: love, caring, helpful
at work: intelligent, helpful, hard working
as a leader: honesty, compassion, authenticity
in relationships: dedication, loyalty, giving
The exercise in which I had to list activities and situations I tend to avoid simply validated something I already knew. I hate confrontation. I think I do better with confrontation at home because after being so close with someone for so long it becomes easier and easier to speak my mind without a filter. Even though I shy away from confrontation on a professional level, I recognize it is an issue and I have improved in this area over the years.
Reference:
McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader: Develop your emotional intelligence, renew your relationships, sustain your effectiveness. Boston: Harvard Business press.
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