Watch the two videos on emotional intelligence by Daniel Goleman. Goleman describes the four dimensions of EI: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skill. Develop a reflection blog that focuses on the four EI dimensions. Discuss how each of these applies to you, your strengths, areas that you need to develop, and how the dimensions have helped or hindered you in your performance and/or career.
Self-awareness
Goleman (2015) describes self-awareness as “knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions”. This is knowing what we are feeling and the reason we are experiencing such feelings. This exercise is kind of deep since I am trying to be self-aware about my self-awareness. But I’ll give it a shot. I like to think that I am a self-aware individual and pay close attention to my feelings and why I am feeling a certain way. I view this area of myself as having some strengths and weaknesses. One such strength is the fact that I make it a point to enter a state of introspection multiple times every day. I believe this helps me evaluate my feelings and whether or not my feelings are appropriate. However, this can also be a weakness because I can tend to over-analyze why I am feeling the way I am feeling. This sometimes causes me to waste time thinking about things. I think my self-awareness has helped me throughout my career because it’s given me confidence in my emotional capabilities and I believe that gets recognized by others.
Self-management
Goleman (2012) describes self-management as handling your distressing emotions in an effective way so they don’t cripple and yet attuning to them so you learn. I interpret self-management as the moment after we identify our feelings and unconsciously, and at times consciously, ask ourselves, “now what are we going to do?” Are we acting because of our feelings? Are we reacting because of our feelings? Or, are we in tune with ourselves enough to know when not to do anything? Because sometimes I realize that taking no action can be the best approach in some situations. Again, for the most part, I believe I manage my feelings and emotions very well. That’s not to say I manage them perfectly. There are times I let my emotions get the best of me. For example, I sometimes become frustrated with customers when trying to communicate with emails. I think email can be effective, but there are times it does more harm than good. There is no tone or inflection in an email and a message can be easily misinterpreted. It is easy to offend or be offended through email, even though it was not intended. I know I have been guilty of this. Or when I try to ask a question in an email and the customer doesn’t provide an answer. They reply but fail to address the question. We go back and forth and it becomes a frustrating waste of time. I know, pick up the phone right? I would, but our correspondence has to be documented for our files. Something so simple that should take a minute can end up taking days. Positivity is another area I want to develop. Sometimes there are so many challenges that become overwhelming and I feel like there is no break in sight. I’m constantly trying to maintain a positive attitude, but unfortunately, I feel like I am fooling myself sometimes.
Social Awareness
Goleman (2015) suggests social awareness is how people handle relationships and awareness of others’ feelings, needs, and concerns. I view this dimension as one of my greatest strengths. I tend to put others’ feelings before my own and exercise a great deal of empathy. I feel like I excel in my ability to put myself in someone else’s position or situation. Doing that helps me with my thoughts and actions towards always trying to do the right thing. I genuinely want to listen to what others have to say and the different perspectives they may have. I think it is important to keep an open mind because I sure do not know everything. I enjoyed Goleman’s TED Talk, “Why aren’t we more compassionate?”, but I particularly liked the part he discussed focusing on others. He talked about how important it is for us to truly pay attention to others and suggests that when we focus on ourselves during an activity, we are in a sense turning off our empathy (2007). We are sending a message to others that we are too busy to listen to what they have to say, we don’t care, and what they are saying is not important. As I type this, it just hit me that I am guilty of this myself. A coworker and friend of mine will visit my office on occasion. He will stand in my doorway and chat. I try to give him my undivided attention, but sometimes I am multitasking with important work. Or, what I perceive as important. I tend to bounce back and forth between typing on my computer and carrying on the conversation with him. I am obviously not giving him my full attention and being empathetic to what he wants to tell me. I will fix this immediately.
Social Skill
Where social awareness is recognizing others’ feelings, needs, or concerns; social skill is having the ability to induce desirable responses in others. I have some considerable strengths in this dimension. Yet, I also think this may be a dimension in which yields my greatest weakness. I thrive in social situations and have an exceptional ability to adapt. I have no problem having a conversation with anyone. Well, almost anyone. Goleman (2015) recognizes teamwork and collaboration as a competency within this dimension. I am most comfortable in a collaborative environment and I think it brings out the best in me and I can bring out the best in others. Goleman also recognizes conflict management as a competency in this dimension. This is the area in which I demonstrate what I believe is my biggest weakness. I have successfully handled conflict in the past. However, those conflicts tended to involve rational individuals. It is when I am faced with irrational or rude people; or even what some may label as “strong personalities”, is when I tend to flounder. I am non-confrontational. I literally despise confrontation. I always have. I have also recognized this for quite some time and have tried to develop how to deal with confrontation. I have definitely improved, but I am a long way off from where I want to be.
References:
Big Think. (2012, April 23). Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved April 08, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU
Goleman, D. (2015, April 21). How Emotionally Intelligent Are You? Retrieved April 08, 2017, from http://www.danielgoleman.info/daniel-goleman-how-emotionally-intelligent-are-you/
Why Aren't we More Compassionate? [Video file]. (2007, March). Retrieved April 21, 2016, from http://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_goleman_on_compassion
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