Have you ever tried to have a discussion with someone who repeatedly interrupts you when you are talking? Whether intentionally or unintentionally they feel the need to dominate the conversation. I have experienced this frustrating event more times than I would like to remember. All I want to do is talk, have the person I am talking with listen without interruption, and they provide feedback. Then it is their turn and the cycle continues until the conversation ends. Levine (2009) suggests reciting our story, “uninterrupted, to an engaged listener, serves an essential, cathartic purpose” (p. 121). This is especially true when it comes to conflict resolution as listening provides an essential step in the Cycle of Resolution to successfully resolve the conflict. Allowing the opportunity for each individual to tell their story from beginning to end, without interruption, allows them to communicate their unique perspective to everyone involved (Levine, 2009). However, I don’t think most people have given much thought to how a basic conversation should occur, let alone a conversation to resolve the conflict. Or, individuals may be aware of the importance of listening, yet they simply struggle to follow through.
I have always prided myself in my ability to listen. The aforementioned situation regarding being interrupted taught me what not to do when engaging in a conversation. Although I am confident in my listening ability I still know there is always room for improvement. I performed a test at work this week to accomplish this assignment in which I consciously focused on listening to someone’s story. My first example is the experience I had as part of an interview panel. MindToolsVideos (2015) describes active listening as a “conscious effort to hear and understand people so you get the complete message” and I viewed this as a great opportunity to put my active listening skills to the test. This was definitely a different environment than an every day normal conversation because I would ask the candidate a question and they would provide an answer. The normal protocol is to allow the candidate to answer without any interruption or feedback from the interview panel participants. While this wasn’t a typical conversation, it still allowed me to really pay attention to urges I may have to interrupt. To my surprise, I had more urges to speak and interrupt than expected. This was a great learning experience that revealed I had some work to do to develop better listening skills.
My other example occurred only a few hours after the interview. I moved into a new office a few weeks ago and found myself in a very different atmosphere than what I was used to concerning coworkers. I had the opportunity to discuss some of the office dynamics with a fellow co-worker who I believed to have a very similar disposition as myself. I thought about the Improve Your Listening Skills with Active Listening video from this assignment prior to the conversation outlining five steps required in the active listening process: pay attention, show that you are listening, provide feedback, defer judgment, and respond appropriately. I felt I did a pretty good job in demonstrating each of the five steps after our conversation concluded. Was I perfect? Absolutely not. I caught myself a couple times telling what I felt were long-winded stories. I believed my stories to be relative to our conversation and helpful in making points. However, I pictured myself on the receiving end of my stories and had visions of myself yawning and losing interest. I even apologized to my coworker for rambling and she replied, “no, no, you’re fine”. But was I really fine or was she just being polite? I know I did well in the five steps of active listening in this instance, but I need to improve on making my stories shorter to avoid losing my participant’s interest or even giving the impression I want to dominate the conversation. Ironically, I need to make a slight improvement on the very thing I despise and discussed in the beginning of this assignment. I definitely don’t want to be “that” person.
References:
Levine, S. (2009 ). Getting to resolution: Turning conflict into resolution. (2nd edition). Williston, VT: Berrett-Koehler Publishers
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