A641.9.3.RB - Becoming a Resonant Leader

You will now begin to turn your desires from awareness into action. Next, compose a reflection blog in the form of a letter to yourself. In the letter, briefly state your personal vision and list at least three learning goals, three milestones for each goal, actions steps for each milestone, and list key people who will support you to achieve the learning goals.

Dear Tony,

You have learned a lot over the last 9 weeks.  More importantly, you have learned a lot about yourself.  There are certain things about your real self you wish to move towards becoming your ideal self.  These areas include learning how to get back to the physical health you once worked so hard to maintain, completing your degree, and filling your spiritual void.  Below is a detailed plan on how to accomplish all learning goals through action steps and milestones.

Learning Goal 1: Improve Physical Fitness and Overall Health

Milestone 1: Workout 4 days a week for 3 months

Action Steps:

1. Partner (wife or friend) to ensure accountability and dependability.
2. Go to sleep at a reasonable time every night to get up early and go to gym.  Lack of sleep cannot be an excuse.
3. Get back to reading health and fitness magazines for the right frame of mind and assist in healthy habits.

Milestone 2: Run a 5K

Action Steps:

1. Slowly incorporate cardio into the exercise routine.
2. Gradually incorporate frequency of training each week until running 3 times a week.
3. Gradually increase the distance each week.
4. Sign up for 5K that begins 3 months from training start date to allow myself ample training time to prepare and hold myself accountable.

Milestone 3: Meal plan

Action Steps:

1. Prepare meal plan and menu every Sunday.
2. Go to the grocery store every Sunday and follow through on purchasing menu items.
3. Review weekly family activity schedule to prepare for dinner conflicts accordingly.

Learning Goal 2: Complete Master’s Degree by January 1, 2019

Milestone 1:  Complete BUSW 500

Action Steps:

1. Plan future schedules, such as vacations, around coursework.
2. Enroll for the course.  

Milestone 2:  Complete MSLD 632

Action Steps:

1. Plan future schedules, such as vacations, around coursework.
2. Enroll for the course.

Milestone 3:  Complete MSLD 635

Action Steps:

1. Plan future schedules, such as vacations, around coursework.
2. Enroll for the course.

Milestone 4:  Complete Elective

Action Steps:

1. Plan future schedules, such as vacations, around coursework.
2. Determine which elective to take.
3. Enroll for the course.

Milestone 5:  Complete MSLD 690

Action Steps:

1. Plan future schedules, such as vacations, around coursework.
2. Work with advisor to ensure eligibility
3. Enroll for the course

Learning Goal 3: Improve my spiritual connection.

Milestone 1: Improve mindfulness and self-awareness.

Action Steps:

1. Attend at least 3 different types of masses.
2. Determine which organization is the best fit.
3. Attend 4 weekend masses in a row.  

Milestone 2: Enroll in a Yoga class.

Action Steps:

1. Research local organizations who offer classes.
2. Discuss possible suggestions with friends and family who have prior experience.  

Milestone 3: Daily meditation

Action Steps:

1. Research different types of meditation
2. Discuss meditation with friends and family who have prior experience.  

Seeing your personal vision become a reality will not be an easy journey.  There will inevitably be some obstacles along the way.  You will need people in your life to help support you and achieve your learning goals.  There may even be some setbacks to accomplishing these goals, but you must see them as temporary and continue Look to your wife, family, friends, and coworkers to be your greatest sources of support.  

A641.8.3.RB - Personal Balance Sheet

Create a reflection blog that discusses your personal balance sheet that summarizes your assets and liabilities.

Assets:

My distinctive strengths (things I know I do well and strengths that others see in me).  

One distinctive strength I possess is the fact that I make it a point to enter a state of introspection multiple times every day.  I believe this helps me evaluate my feelings and whether or not they are appropriate and make adjustments accordingly.  My analytical mind also helps identify areas such as people or processes that could improve.  No, I’m not running around telling people what they should change to make themselves better.  However, I have no problem providing feedback if asked.  I also believe I communicate very well as I have been told numerous times.  I pick up on people’s personalities very quickly and get a good sense of what may work or not work.  I also recognize that everyone is different and responds to communication differently.  Therefore, I have honed a keen ability to communicate very effectively.  Another strength is my dependability.  The bottom line is everyone knows they can count on me.  If I say I am going to do something, I do it.  Period.  

My potential Strengths (things I could do better or more often if I focused, or things I do well in some situations and could begin to apply more broadly).  

Confidence in decision making.  Self-doubt.  There are two areas which come to mind when I think of potential strengths and may either be the same thing or at least closely related: self-doubt and my confidence in decision making.  Most people want to do everything right.  Never want to make a mistake.  However, most people hopefully also realize that isn’t realistic.  Personally, despite understanding that reality, I tend to freeze up in some situations because I simply do not want to make the wrong choice.  I have worked very hard throughout the years to improve this area, but I still have a ways to go.  And, I have found that making mistakes is sometimes the best way to learn and cultivate personal growth.

My Enduring Dispositions that support me (traits, habits, behaviors that I do not want to change and that help me to be successful).  

Goleman (2015) suggests social awareness is how people handle relationships and awareness of others’ feelings, needs, and concerns.  I view this dimension as one of my greatest strengths.  I tend to put others’ feelings before my own and exercise a great deal of empathy.  I feel like I excel in my ability to put myself in someone else’s position or situation.  Doing that helps me with my thoughts and actions towards always trying to do the right thing.  I genuinely care to listen to what others have to say and the different perspectives they may have.  I think it is important to keep an open mind because I sure do not know everything.  I am also authentic and I think others see that since I base most of my decisions on how it will affect others, not just affect me.  I believe in being compassionate, kind, and considerate to others and do my best to abide by the Golden Rule.  

Liabilities:

My weaknesses (things I know I don’t do well and I want to do better).  

I mentioned earlier how being analytical is one of my distinctive strengths.  While that is true, I also see this as sometimes being a weakness because I can tend to overthink.  I can tend to try and forecast every scenario based on making a single decision which overwhelms me.  This is a weakness especially when situations are time sensitive and I succumb to paralysis by analysis.  Another weakness I recognize is my resilience or lack thereof.  I used to be extremely resilient, but now I find myself struggling to combat some of life’s challenges.  

Weaknesses I want to Change (things I know I don’t do well and want to change).  

I love to focus on one thing until completion.  However, life just doesn’t work that way.  Whether at work where multiple things are being thrown at me at once or at home where I’m trying to simultaneously do homework, cook, and answer all the questions my kids are asking me, that’s just the nature of the beast and today’s normal.  I used to be much better at multitasking, especially at work, but after taking a new job I find myself scatterbrained.  I want to get everything done at once.  I’m working on prioritizing and only focus on those priorities (in proper order) unless something or someone of a higher priority comes along.  Another weakness I want to change is my lack of positivity.  Sometimes I get so wrapped up in challenges that it feels like gloom and doom and nothing good will come of it.  I have to constantly remind myself that some things I stress over are really just trivial and they shouldn’t affect my mood or outlook in a negative way.

My enduring dispositions that sometimes get in my way (traits, habits, behaviors that I do not want to change and that sometimes cause me to be less effective).  

Nobody knows you better than, well, yourself.  And I know one thing about myself that while I am proud of, I also know it can be detrimental.  It’s me being non-confrontational and wanting to please everyone, sometimes having to sacrifice my own well-being.  For example, there are times when I should speak up and challenge people but I bite my lip so not to cause friction.  I want to make everyone happy, despite knowing that is not always possible.  That’s not to say I never voice my concerns knowing it may cause problems, but it’s typically the exception, not the norm.  

Reference:

Goleman, D. (2015, April 21). How Emotionally Intelligent Are You? Retrieved from http://www.danielgoleman.info/daniel-goleman-how-emotionally-intelligent-are-you/

A641.7.3.RB - Appreciating Your "Real Self"

Read Chapter 5 of the workbook “Becoming a Resonant Leader”.

Complete all of the exercises from page 109-137.

After completing the exercises, compose a reflection blog on what you learned about your lifeline, social identities, strengths, and roles.

Wow! I felt pretty old after completing the lifeline exercise.  I had so many personal and professional memories come rushing through my mind rather quickly.  It took some time, but I eventually wrote down all the important events, transition phases, highs, lows, proud moments, and regrettable moments I could recollect.  I have to admit, it was a bit strange to see and reflect upon my entire life that was now laid out in written format.  I had mixed feelings because, on one hand, I felt I have experienced and accomplished quite a bit and on the other hand could have done better or more.  But, I guess that is life right?  Nobody is handed a map that leads to perfection in life.  No, instead we have to navigate it the best we can and inevitably make and hopefully learn from our mistakes.  Looking to the future, it is both exciting and a little scary knowing that trends I just recorded on paper and reflected upon will more than likely continue.  However, as I get older I realize that no matter how much we try to prepare for what life throws at us, we can never be fully prepared.  

The “Rhythms of My Career” exercise revealed a pattern of change throughout my entire career until my previous position.  Prior to the military, like any typical teen, I worked temporary jobs.  Once I enlisted in the military, I had the luxury (at least I see it that way) of a career field that did not allow one to remain in a position for over 2 years.  Therefore, I found myself being forced to learn a new area and expand my knowledge and expertise.  This approach had its benefits and negatives.  On one hand, it kept things fresh.  On the other hand, being forced to move from a job that you felt was perfect and loved stung a bit.  I also believe it trained me to feel the urge to move on to something else after working in a job for a certain length of time.  I experienced that urge after separating from the military and found myself wanting to do something different after a couple years simply for the sake of change.  I also noticed another pattern in my career.  Strictly from a financial standpoint, it maintained an upward trend right up to the job I took at General Electric after I separated the military.  I view that as my financial peak, not to be confused with happiness, satisfaction, or reward.  I left General Electric for a job at the VA and took a monstrous pay cut, which has continually (but very slowly) increased since the move.  I maintained the same position for over 7 years and although I loved the job, I felt the need to move on to keep things fresh and for promotion opportunity.  I recently made a lateral (same pay) move to a new position in hopes it would satisfy my urge to change and to also give me that promotion opportunity.  I feel I made a mistake in taking the new job and leaving something I enjoyed.  Essentially, I made a career move for the wrong reasons.  I learned that either I get bored easily or that is normal for everyone.  However, I also learned that if I find a job I truly love and boredom creeps in, there may be other ways to combat the boredom rather than leaving the job.  

The “Social Identities and Roles” was a bit eye opening because I never really put thought into those areas.  I just live and be myself.  

Which roles and social identities are most important to you? Why?

Being a father is first and foremost the highest priority most important role to me.  Being a husband is a not so far second.  I place importance on other roles such as son, brother, job, etc...but I truly focus on being a father and husband.  I don’t place much importance on some of my social identities because some are not a choice.  And the one in which I have a choice, I only see my leisure activities as being important to me because I can dictate the level of importance in that area.

How were you taught about your identities?

I wouldn’t say I was ever taught.  It wasn’t like someone ever sat me down and explained different social identities.  I would say I learned from society and just recognizing all the differences.  And that isn’t saying that the differences were wrong, just different.  

Jobs or organizations that heightened your experience of different social identities and roles?

I think being in the military forced me to heighten my awareness of different social identities and roles.  Although I believed we were all created equal prior to the military, it made me realize that we really are all the same on a human level despite the many different identities and roles.   

The exercises dealing with recognizing the strengths I see in myself and what I believe others see was challenging.  In the first exercise, I summarized myself as a person who is an analytical problem solver and is compassionate towards others.  I felt myself wanting to provide a thorough summary while struggling with the limitation. Some of the strengths I believe I possess are compassion, the ability to learn, and communication.  And some of the strengths I believe others see in me are:

at home: love, caring, helpful

at work: intelligent, helpful, hard working

as a leader: honesty, compassion, authenticity

in relationships: dedication, loyalty, giving

The exercise in which I had to list activities and situations I tend to avoid simply validated something I already knew.  I hate confrontation.  I think I do better with confrontation at home because after being so close with someone for so long it becomes easier and easier to speak my mind without a filter.  Even though I shy away from confrontation on a professional level, I recognize it is an issue and I have improved in this area over the years.

Reference:

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader: Develop your emotional intelligence, renew your relationships, sustain your effectiveness. Boston: Harvard Business press.