I was heavily involved in sports throughout my childhood and even into my early thirties. I was essentially forced to make friends because my parents believed it was healthy to be outside playing with the neighborhood kids. I either made friends or would be left playing in my yard by myself and that did not seem like a very entertaining option. I believe these activities combined with my personality helped me become comfortable interacting with strangers. I was shy at a very young age, but as my participation in sports increased, so did my ability to relate to new people. I learned there was no reason to be afraid to talk to people. McKay, Davis, and Fanning (2009) discusses how the fear of strangers comes from “outmoded nineteenth-century social restrictions and your own self-depreciating internal monologue” (p. 205). Although I was not aware of the aforementioned social restrictions, I did experience a mild stint of self-depreciation. Then I realized I cannot change how people think. My personality has always been extremely laid back and genuine about respecting others. However, I cannot change how they feel about themselves. Maybe they are self-conscious or have low self-esteem. It is their problem if they take issue with how I look, how I talk, or what I believe.
I have a knack for being able to “fit in” anywhere. I never felt comfortable limiting myself to a certain social group. For example, in grade school, I hung out with the jocks and the nerds despite them having a distinct social separation from each other. I did not care. I enjoyed hanging around people I felt were interesting and could care less about social status or labels. Meeting someone new has always been fun because everyone has something unique to share. It’s merely an opportunity to begin getting to know someone who interests me, I am curious but not worried about what will happen, and I never want anything from them; just offering time and interest (McKay, et al., 2009, p. 207).
Talking to people, including strangers, is something that I believe comes easier to me than the average person. This is not because I feel I possess some special gift, but because I am an exceptional listener. Genuinely caring about what someone tells me makes listening easy. I want to listen and I want to provide feedback when necessary. Having an outward rather than inward focus when first making contact with someone aides in creating a natural conversation. McKay et al. (2009) suggest a basic rule to making contact is to “give what you would like to receive, which means that the attention, interest, respect, and liking that you want must also be something you offer to others” (p. 209). I have had many people tell me very personal things despite barely knowing each other because I simply listened.
McKay, et al. (2009) mentions there are only three things required to make good conversation: “ask questions, listen actively, and disclose a little about yourself” (p. 213). These requirements describe what comes naturally to me in any conversation. I say they come naturally to me because I do not have to myself to think about applying them. Whether meeting someone for the first time or an old friend, I engage in these requirements every day. The most important lesson I learned from this assignment is the reminder how vital it is to stay true to myself. I do not need to alter what I believe or change anything about who I am to gain acceptance. As a matter of fact, “when you talk about your hopes, fears, preferences and beliefs, you become a unique individual rather than a cardboard character” (McKay et al., 2009, p. 216). I want people to know the real me and not be concerned with how “revealing differences will undermine potential closeness” (McKay et al, 2009, p. 216).
McKay, M. Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: the communication skills book. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
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